A Preposterous Union
by Jesus.Lives
Summary: Fili finds himself intrigued by a certain body part of Sigrid's, and when he is caught staring by Tilda he is barraged with all sorts of nonsensical ideas such as a romantic union between their two people. Preposterous! [Hints of Figrid].
1. Chapter 1

_A/N; So, I've been taken in with a total crack-ship. Though it is a wonderful and weird one, and {when/if} I see Tolkien one day, I will have to answer for it, as the very idea of this ship is such a far deviation from canon Hobbit that it makes me cringe. But I can't help but feel a certain fondness for it thanks to some awesome writers who have put some time into making it believable._

_Summary: Fili finds himself intrigued by a certain body part of Sigrid's, and when he is caught staring by Tilda he is barraged with all sorts of nonsensical ideas such as a romantic union between their two people. Preposterous! [Hints of Figrid]._

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_**A Preposterous Union**  
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It was during the rebuilding of Dale where, although reluctantly, King Thorin Under the Mountain would frequently send tidings and well wishes to Bard, New Master of Lake Town and offer help where needed. Thorin never journeyed out of Erebor himself, but to quell any hostility between the lands he would sometimes send one of his nephews as a sign of good faith and to stress the importance of their bond.

Yet there was still much hostility between Thorin and Bard, and as neither would go out of their way to admit it, the hostility remained unspoken and festering. Bard tolerated the sign of good will from the dwarves of Erebor, though he saw them as nothing more than a forced political manouver from the King Under the Mountain.

It was Fili undertaking in such a forced political manouver this time around, and he arrived at Bard's doorstep with a courteous bow to the two daughters of the house Tilda and Sigrid.

"Afternoon, daughters of the Bowman, ladies of Lake Town and of the yet reconstructed Dale."

Both of them seemed surprised to see him in front of them, and shame crept up on him for letting it go so long before visiting the Bowman and his family.

"Master Fili? It's been a long time since we've seen you around these parts," Tilda beamed at him.

As his mouth opened and closed again, Fili cursed his brother in his head for declining to come along with him. Not that he was as connected to the hip with his brother as he used to be, but Kili had a certain knack when it came to lightening the mood with other races - some could call it diplomacy, but Fili just saw it as being a git with a large gob.

"Aye, it has," Fili cast his eyes low. "Duties never cease under the mountain I'm afraid. But I'm sure, it'd be the same to be said about the two of you."

He'd never considered all the new expectations that came to Bard's once humble family and they'd changed, he realised it now. Tilda was still youthful but Fili could sense that she was trying to put on more of a show of airs than before. She clasped her hands in front of her to keep her movements controlled, it was almost unnatural. And the elder daughter of Bard, she was not the same innocent lass that they intruded upon on their way to claim Erebor. Sigrid's responsibility showed on her face and of course, she appeared less surprised now to have dwarves calling by their fancier home, just possibly still surprised at the particular dwarf in front of her now.

"Something of that nature," Sigrid replied, dipping her own head as a sign of respect.

Fili wasn't sure where to look, much less what to say. His mouth went dry and he found his eyes trailing down to where it almost seemed forbidden to look, even though with his height he found it dangerously close to his range of vision. The legs of the elder daughter that he could see from the wafting of her skirt, they intrigued him suddenly.

"Do come in," Tilda was saying and then grabbed him by the arm and pulled him inside whether he wanted to be pulled in or not, all airs forgotten.

"I'll go get Da," Sigrid told Fili and Fili had a hard time refocusing to glance up to her face.

"And get Bain too, he'll be delighted to see you. Been going on and on about dwarvish fighting styles, he has, ever since the battle," Tilda rambled on, switching her attention quickly between her sister and Fili. "No doubt he'll be quizzing you on every form of combat imaginable."

Sigrid gave a nod to Tilda, a polite curtsey to Fili and spun on her heel to leave the room. Fili watched after her, mesmorised at those legs again. They were shapely and longer than he was accustomed too, but not unattractive. Not that he could see much with that skirt in the way. He hadn't even noticed he'd been staring until Tilda nudged him and laughed.

"You needn't worry, I won't tell Da about the way you've been looking at our Sigrid. Though I'm not sure if it'd make the dealings between Lake Town and Erebor better or worse, if Da caught you staring like that."

Fili felt like his face had caught on fire, and he was really going to pay Kili back for not being able to make it that afternoon. He wanted to deny the staring, but just as he was going through excuses in his mind Tilda piped up again, saying something that embarrassed the Prince of Erebor further.

"Do you think a dwarf could ever marry a daughter of Men? I'd never really thought about it before, but could it happen?"

Fili had never thought about it before either, but he was certainly thinking about it now, and not with some faceless unnamed daughter of Men either, but with Bard's own daughter. It could never happen. They each had duties to their own people. It was foolish really. But Sigrid... he would protect her as if she was his own... hypothetically, if it could happen, which it couldn't.

"It would be incredibly romantic don't you think? Despite all the odds, despite all the differences between our people, the uniting of two who would be willing to put up with all the scorn, all the possible rejection from friends and family just to be together."

Tilda just didn't stop talking. But she was right. He knew the notion was foolish as soon as it entered his head, and it was foolish still. Besides, all he felt for Sigrid was surely a simple curiosity at how differently she was built to dwarrowdam.

"Ah-" was all he managed to get out in regards to that. He was sure Kili would have much to say right that instant, mostly at his expense. Perhaps it was for the best that Kili wasn't with him.

"Could one of us even live under the mountain?" Tilda asked curiously. "I mean, is the air breathable and is everything designed for people your size?"

"Well, I suppose that there could be exceptions," Fili mumbled in response, half to himself.

"So if you fell in love with Sigrid, you could take her with you and she could live in the tunnels and tunnels of gold with your people?" Tilda seemed absolutely delighted, no doubt envisioning the prospect of visiting frequently and learning every little secret held by their people.

_Tunnels and tunnels of gold...?_ Fili hadn't even processed the part about falling in love with Sigrid yet, he was stuck on where Tilda was getting her information on Erebor from. And he couldn't process it much further as he spotted Sigrid, trailing behind her father with her brother Bain, looking rather radiant.

"Master Fili," Bard extended a hand to Fili, which Fili shook promptly.

"I do hope Tilda didn't bore you too much," Sigrid said with an apologetic look to Fili.

"Yes," agreed Bain. "She tends to go on and on at times but she's right good at scaring company away, so I suppose we let her."

"Hush now," reprimanded Bard.

"Perhaps next time Master Fili comes to visit, Sigrid can stay and I will do the fetching," Tilda replied with a pointed look to Fili, eyes sparkling and a mischievous grin on her face.

"Perhaps," Fili replied thankful for the obliviousness of everyone else in the room. Anyone with any sense could tell what Tilda was trying to do. A set-up between himself and the daughter of the Bowman of Lake Town; nobody would stand for it, even as romantic as Tilda pictured it being. And though Sigrid's legs intrigued him he was not enchanted by such preposterous ideas as to wed her.

Though now that it was suggested he had a hard time ridding the idea from his mind.

...Perhaps it was not all as preposterous as he thought.

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_Yes, this was meant to be a one-shot._

_Though I could be persuaded otherwise... possibly._


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N; Okay, okay... so I was a little convinced not just to let this stay a one-shot. Though I must admit, I'm not sure where this would go if it continues any further past this point. But I could continue to be bribed... errrr... persuaded for more. I am kind of a sucker like that._

_Summary: Fili finds himself intrigued by a certain body part of Sigrid's, and when he is caught staring by Tilda he is barraged with all sorts of nonsensical ideas such as a romantic union between their two people. Preposterous! [Hints of Figrid]._

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_**A Preposterous Union**  
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_**{part two}**_

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"It was nice to have Master Fili around for once, don't you agree?" Tilda said much later, swinging her legs off of Sigrid's bed and watching for her sister's response. Their father would probably be calling them to their separate chambers soon, but there was a little time between when their father had duties to attend to and they could spend a few more waking hours in each other's company.

"It was, I do suppose it has been a while. Although it only feels like yesterday."

Sigrid could see it all in her mind again - the fire, the fear of the townspeople, the dwarves invading their humble abode with their wide-eyes and hopeful expectations before everything collapsed around them. The time right before Smaug made his terrible decent on Lake Town when Fili doted over his sickly brother and the orcs attacked. It wasn't a thing that could be forgotten, no matter how much time passed.

Tilda seemed to ignore her sister's contemplativeness. "Fili was quite interested in you tonight, as I am guessing you had not noticed. A good thing too, Da would surely get suspicious if you caught on. It's a right good thing you have your sister who understands dwarves better than most," Tilda nodded forthrightly, "I don't know where you would all be without me."

"Oh?" Sigrid's face screwed up for a moment, trying to decipher just what it was her sister meant by that. The self-flattery and the nonsense about being able to read dwarves. And what was it she meant by 'interested'? It surely couldn't mean what Sigrid initially thought it meant. "That interest is warranted. Lake Town has changed much since any of them had been back around."

"Except Kili," TIlda corrected. "And Balin that one time." Sadly Balin never came back after that, but possibly because he felt he was too old to deal with the difficulties of humans all on his own, surely not because Tilda was trying her very best to scare him. "No, not in Lake Town, my silly sister. In you. He was watching you walk away..."

She hopped up off the bed for a demonstration, making long, exaggerated movements with the extra wiggle of her behind. "And you pranced back to Da like this."

Sigrid was mortified, looking at her sister's impression of her. She had not 'pranced' and she was not trying to get the attention of the young dwarven male whom once climbed out of their toilet and was now the crowned prince under the mountain. "Tilda!"

"No wonder he looked," Tilda laughed loudly. "You weren't giving him any choice not to look!"

Now Sigrid was even more mortified at her sister's goading. Tilda was growing up fast, a little too fast if you asked Sigrid, she had no idea where her sister got ideas like that! Master Fili was a dwarf, a ruler under the mountain. Sigrid supposed that she'd fallen into the same trap as not seeing him as a male, not that he wasn't, but it just wasn't the same. Dwarves and Men were so different that it would never been thought of, never be considered to... but then they weren't all that different at all_, were they_? Not where it counted.

Sigrid felt herself flush at the thought.

"I told him that he should marry you and you can live under the mountain with all that gold."

It occurred to Sigrid that Tilda might just be mocking her further, making her as uncomfortable as possible just before bed because that's what little sisters did just to be annoying. However, what was worse was that it seemed clear Tilda wasn't just making it up.

_Oh_! She'd better not have to see the dwarf Fili around again too soon, she wouldn't be able to look him in the eye knowing that Tilda had said all that! (Not though she was able to look him much in the eye to begin with).

"You did what?" The voice that spoke she only barely recognized as her own.

"And then you can have little, cute dwarf babes. They would be extra small, and maybe hairy but-"

"Tilda!"

Sigrid had never been so glad to hear her dad intrude on them. Unless he'd been listening in to the conversation as well, and if that was the case Sigrid might just have to go outside, dig herself a shallow grave and lay in it.'

Their father peeked in the door but wore no telling smirk that he had heard anything of his youngest daughter's attempt at death by humiliation. "You were supposed to go right to bed." TIlda huffed at him. "Hurry up then."

'Da' had always understood their reluctance to be in separate rooms now they all had the space, but he thought it befitting of a family of standing to not be living in cramped quarters, elbow to elbow like they used to.

Tilda brushed a kiss to Sigrid's cheek. "Night Sigrid. Pleasant dreams."

Maybe Sigrid would keep the shallow grave for her sister. She all but added 'about dwarf princes' to the end of that well wish of a good night. Sigrid ignored it, and went over to her Da and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek too.

"Night Da. Don't be bothered by all the work that needs to be done. We will help you with it in the morrow."

Bard gave a grateful smile and his tired eyes grew tender. "You children are too good to me sometimes." He glanced over at Tilda. "Sometimes," he reemphasized.

"Love you Da," Sigrid replied.

And then they had left her alone, ready to face the night with all the things Tilda had said floating around in her head. _Dwarf babes - preposterous_!

She stood in front of her long full length mirror before extinguishing the light, taking in her appearance. She supposed she was a little flattered that Fili had shown interest, and besides, he was rather dashing… _for a dwarf_. She did a small curtsey for the mirror. "Lady Sigrid of Dale, pleasure to meet you." It was only about the fourth time she had tried that. _Lady. Dale._ It was all so unusual. "Lady Sigrid of the great establishment of Dale, I'm sure you've heard of my father..."

But Sigrid didn't want anyone that was going to like her merely for her father's accomplishments and in a city of Men, accomplishments went a long way into buying favour. She bit down on her lip and glanced at the mirror again. Master Fili clearly didn't fancy her (if that was what he did, but she could hardly trust the testimony of Tilda) for what her father did, or for his title. By all accounts he shouldn't fancy her at all – much too complicated. But her heart raced just the slightest bit at the chance that maybe he could, and maybe he did. Although the idea was too ludicrous to fathom!

"Lady Sigrid Under the Mountain. First Lady of Erebor."

She was almost afraid she'd be caught even uttering those words, even partaking in such a foolish daydream. _A daughter of Men, under the mountain!_ Though the daydream thrilled her, if only for a moment.

"Yes, my husband is the crowned dwarf prince Under the Mountain, and no, I don't mind his height, not at all."

Part of it would be her making her own stand, away from her father, ready to be recognised as so much more than just Bard the Bowman's daughter. But also the idea of having a fetching dwarven hero on her arm didn't make the idea any less promising.

Sigrid frowned at her own image in the mirror. Fili. One of those silly little dwarves that reclaimed their home under the mountain. And she didn't know why, but the idea was getting less preposterous by the second.

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_Oh dear, the seed has been planted__._


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N; I guess I got bullied into writing more. I do have an idea to make it longer, but it might make this into an epicly long fic which was not what I intended it to be. But I have turned it into a musical, in true Hobbit fashion._

_Summary: Fili finds himself intrigued by a certain body part of Sigrid's, and when he is caught staring by Tilda he is barraged with all sorts of nonsensical ideas such as a romantic union between their two people. Preposterous! [Hints of Figrid]._

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_**A Preposterous Union**  
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_**{part three}**_

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Fili had a rough ride back on his pony, reminding him on why he rarely travelled anymore. Sure, it reminded him of earlier days, side by side with his brother and the great quest to reclaim the mountain but fond reminiscing was all that was anymore. He had not the desire to keep moving, not now that he had a homeland.

He had no sooner reached the stables at the bottom of the mountain that he was grabbed by two rough hands and pulled from his mount and embraced with jolly laughing.

_Kili_.

He must have been waiting, which Fili supposed was nice, since when it was Kili out about the humans Fili almost never greeted him upon his return in the stables. It was a long walk back up the mountain through the winding stairs and Fili was glad for the company... well... all until Kili opened his trap he was.

"How'd it go dear brother?" Kili grinned roguishly. Fili knew that grin. He didn't trust that grin.

"Fine." Fili took the saddle from the pony and gave it a pat on its head. Somebody else was on duty to feed it carrots, and so Fili turned back to his brother without giving the pony much more thought.

"Just fine then?" What was he getting at? Fili's eyes narrowed as Kili continued his pointed interrogation. "How was the diplomatic Master of Lake Town and son Bain?"

"As you would expect."

"Aye, and his very pretty lasses? They as you would expect also?"

Sometimes it was if his brother was a mind reader, a very eerie quality that disturbed Fili greatly. Of course it was a ridiculous notion that his brother was a mind reader, and he didn't believe in any of that rot, but still the foul look that crossed his face must have given Kili some notion that he'd hit the target right on its mark this time.

Kili grinned even broader, shoving Fili as they walked through the stables. "The older one, she's really taken to being a high lady of Lake Town. Looks the part, doesn't she? Just don't think of the fact she came from the loins of Master Bard, a wee bit disturbing that is."

"I was thinking something _else_ was a wee bit disturbing," Fili replied meaning the direction his brother's conversation was going.

"Oh, come on brother. There's nothing wrong with paying a bit of attention. I think you and Lady Sigrid could be splendid together, having little rendezvous in Lake Town, getting some sun on you..."

Fili decided he had to be firm but fair about it, before any more of this speculation got out of hand. "I don't want to hear any more of it, Kili."

And then his blasted brother had to go and sing.

_It wouldn't be the worst thing,_

_If you liked a human girl_

_Sure, they're beardless types_

_With narley a groan or gripe_

_But you could give it a whirl._

Fili's foolish brother spun him around in an impromptu dance and then leapt unto the first step leading up the mountain, while Fili followed with enough distance to keep from being grabbed again.

_It wouldn't be the worst thing,_

_If you admired the human-folk_

_There's many a thing_

_That the Men do bring_

_And I'm not just blowing smoke_

Kili knocked on the wall to the nearby tunnel of the mountain, as if the racket of his singing wasn't attracting enough unwanted attention as it was. Noise _did_ travel upwards, didn't it?

_It wouldn't be the worst thing,_

_If you found one to be of taste_

_And a particular lass_

_Comes off not at all crass_

_One of the ladies of the Lake._

Not at all just a subtle hint to whom he was referring to there.

_It wouldn't be the worst thing,_

_If you fell head over your heels_

_It might liven you up_

_And dear brother, that is enough_

_To keep me singing this song with zeal..._

Fili glared at Kili and Kili wisely caught on to the added hostility in the air and promptly stopped the song. "Or not."

And so once again Fili's brother managed to make one simple little thing into a big deal, and not only that but a humiliating big deal as others may have heard him singing the reprimanding song as if there was something wrong with the way Fili operated.

"Give it a rest, Kili." The blind, idealistic fool would have to get a lesson of his own. "She belongs with her people, and I belong with mine. Besides, Uncle already has Bard on his bad side, and what you're proposing would not do the relations between Erebor and Dale any favors."

"Erebor and Dale," Kili scoffed. "Is that all you think about?"

How could he not think about it? It was their existence now, or at least it should be. Not so in the case of Kili, although there was a possible reason for that. "The elves have addled you brain."

"And being Crowned Prince Under the Mountain has made you boring."

"So this is what this is all about? My entertaining of you, the bored Prince Kili Under the Mountain?"

Kili shrugged, "Of course is it, what else do you think it would be about?"

"I will not pursue a daughter of Men as a source of entertainment because you have so little to do."

"Do it for whatever reason you wish to do it, I do not care. But I think you're protesting too much prematurely, unless the though had already crossed your mind."

"Preposterous, brother. Why would I think on such things?"

"I cannot say. Maybe you're lonely. Maybe you would like something to further change your fate from becoming like Uncle Thorin. It's all just something to keep in mind."

If there was anything worse than Kili flapping his trap about things he did not know, it was Kili making a valid point. Fili didn't want to give Kili the satisfaction, however, of knowing this was so. Therefore with a, "We shall speak no more on it" they travelled up the rest of the mountain in silence until they reached their living quarters.

…And now Fili had that blasted song in his head.

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_I think Tilda and Kili may be in cahoots..._


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